Reality Factor.

I spend most of my time wondering do I tell people how I actually am feeling when they ask me how I'm doing. And along with that comes another question of how do I tell them, if, in case, I chose to tell them. 

Hello there, I am the Earthian.

Its not like anyone is ever going to get it. There are times I get really tired of pretending to be so exuberantly energetic and active when in reality all I would want to do is close my eyes, sit still and just forget that there exists a universe around me. In fact, that's all that I want to do most days, these days, forget there exists a universe. Its tiring to say the very least, to live the way I live. And its not even because  bad things are happening. Its because the only times good things happen is when I am all by myself, when I am left alone, and I usually am not left alone. I understand the importance of being social, please don't get me wrong, I am all about making friends and spending quality time with people, but it just doesn't feel like I am spending quality time when I spend time with most people. It feels more like a transaction, like an obligation that I am under because we just happened to come together. The reality factor of it, the tangibleness of it has always been missing and I don't know how to get it back. I wish I knew, but I don't and its draining me from the inside. By no means am I suggesting people are bad. Its all me, I am the reason I am the way I am and I am okay with myself. I know that sounds very contradictory and very weird and makes from zero to negative sense, but it really is one of the only ways I can explain. Hope you don't mind.

Love, peace.

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