Rewiring.

It used to be a very different ball game for me, life. Being a part of a crowd that I never belonged to provided some form a safety net that I never wanted in the first place, but because it was safe there, I had gotten comfortable. And that comfort, that false sense of reality that everything was going to be okay because I was not alone, for some reason made life feel like it is something I would get through.

Hello there, I'm the Earthian.

Running away from being vulnerable was my specialty, in a lot of ways it still is my specialty but it used to be my specialty for a much different reason. You see, when you get caught by your weakest link and when you're tortures using the same, the last feeling you'd feel is joy. And since being vulnerable is doing exactly that, it never really was my first choice. Nor my second or my third. But little did I know that the only person who's manhandling me by my weakest link was myself. Because the less vulnerable to pain that I made myself, the more vulnerable to guilt and fear I made myself to be and believe it or not, it wasn't the best of trade offs. Sometimes, I still evaluate, do I take hits or evade by not even going to the battle? (Not to be confused with the evasion one can do in the battlefield with pure talent) and there still are times when I so desperately want to evade by not even showing up, but because the downs have been so bad that I'm sure I can't hit any lower than where I already am, I'm choosing to take hits. And it sucks, but I guess there really isn't another way.

Rewiring takes time, I guess, and a lot of love. Peace.