A Disappointment.

I've realized that I'm as big a disappointment to people as I can ever get. Perhaps even a tad bigger. Mostly because I am not reciprocative to their emotions and actions. And I completely get where they come from. I feel the origin of their pain and I feel the blatant desire that they get to just scream at me.

Hello there, I'm the Earthian.

I'm learning to not be a disappointment though. I try my very best to just give them what people expect out of me these days. I even tell them that. That again, turns out to be a different kind of a problem. Apparently, its not heart felt and so the gesture is irrelevant. "How about the fact that I did what you asked me to do, so that you could be happy? Isn't that good enough?", I'd ask myself, wanting to ask the same to them too. I hold back though, because I don't want to be a bigger disappointment. I don't understand why it is that I'm supposed to feel good about doing something or being someone I don't want to be, just so the person who considers me a disappointment stops considering one for a split second. I can't be happy and do something I don't like at the same time. I'll do that something, sure, to make you happy, but don't expect me to have a blast whilst doing so. It just isn't happening. I know I constantly let people down and I know I'm not the nicest or the sweetest or the kindest, but there really isn't anything I can do about it. I will not compromise on my morals. Not for you, not for god himself, not for anyone. Just wanted to let you know.

Love, peace.