Digging Up A Little Past.

Back when I was in my high school, a friend of mine, well, we weren't necessarily friends, so, an acquaintance of mine asked me if I was okay. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, completely out of the blue, he asked me if I was okay. It took me by surprise, because I was someone who was very good at existing quietly, hiding in plain sight and being invisible. So when he asked me if I was okay, I was completely caught off guard. And he asked me so with genuine concern in his eyes, I could sense his aura of kindness and for a second, I was completely fazed. He took it up a notch and asked me if I felt lonely and my hands and my body were trembling because it was like he was right inside of my body. I still get a little shaky thinking about it today, half a decade after the incident.
Of course, I couldn't tell him I was dying on the inside, I couldn't tell him I was being sucked in by this heavy void inside of my heart, I couldn't tell him I was becoming so empty emotionally, I couldn't tell him just about any of the truth that I would have loved to tell him. I just couldn't. Would he have understood it? Perhaps. But then again, perhaps not. Because he doesn't have to. All I could do was fake a smile at him and tell him I was okay. I truly wasn't. And I suspect he knew it for there is only one reason he asked me that question. He knew I lied. It was clear as a crystal that I was lying through my teeth but he didn't call me out on that. Instead he smiled, his eyes glistened just like mine. He walked away, almost immediately, and those two minutes became minutes I wouldn't ever consciously forget in my life.

I wish I had thanked him, but the shock of feeling humanity after what felt like an eternity shut everything up inside of me. I knew right then and right there that I wasn't alone. I don't think any of us ever are. We might be too convinced we are but take that conviction away and fill it in with reality and you just might find yourself being comfortable. Because that's what being human is like, comfortable.

Lots of love, peace.