Random rants.

I wonder where it went, that excitement that I used to have for just doing the everyday routine, that motivation to perform better in everything I was good at and everything I wanted to be good at, that sense of liberation whilst I did whatever it is that I did, that sense of living life and feeling things for what they are and not what for what I think they are or for how I think they should be. You know what I'm talking about? Or did I even ever have any of that? Am I just imagining too much? Or am I still someone who has all of that just ignorant of what I'm in possession of? Ugh, thoughts, could they become more self-contradictory?

Hello there, I'm the Earthian.

Somewhere along the line everything had changed. Or maybe nothing changed except for me and how I perceive everything else. Either way this change hasn't been promising, not yet, at least. My thought process, my belief system, my will power, my drive, my confidence, my attitude, everything seems to have become different in a way that somehow I can't even remember how I used to be. Maybe I had always been like this? I don't know, perhaps it's just me who's believing I used to be different. Not that I feel like the person I am today is worse or better than the person I used to be, it's just different and I guess trying to adapt and fit in with myself is what I'm trying to do, because I do find myself questioning my own choices a lot more often than not these days.

The only thing I am sure of is the fact that I'm drowning in my own thoughts which sometimes makes me over-the-moon happy and at other times makes me sloppily sad. And I'm not exactly sure what it is that I'm trying to say here.

Love, peace.