Who Am I? (25)

A question that I always forget to answer before I get into something is, what it is it that I am exactly looking for out of something? Because sometimes it's only after I drown knee deep I realize that I've been on the mercy of the flow for too long and that I don't actually know my own bearing or my heading.

Hello there, I'm the Earthian.

It's not being lost that is the problem. That's totally fine. In fact, I would much rather be lost than be stuck at something that would never ever take me anywhere purely because of the fact that even I don't know what it is that I want from it. One moment I am so into it with every ounce of my heart and soul and the next moment I drop out of it completely, only to come back to it the very next moment and this idiotic cycle knows no ends. I know why it happens though, because while I'm in it, I am so in it that I get to enjoy like I haven't enjoyed ever before and when I'm not in it, well, I feel like the most bored human on the face of the planet. And this bipolar results plays games with my head that makes me seriously consider all of my options. So it always comes back to the original "what are you looking for?" And honestly, it always ends with the same answer I've always had "Not entirely sure.".

I wish I just could conclude it, either on high side of it or on the dry side of it but being if being in between is what's been planned for me, well, there isn't a whole lot that I can do about it, is there?

Love, peace.