A Lost Cause.

You know what's really hard? To be that person who just is good enough. Good enough to be their friend, brother, son, student, teacher and everything else that different people want me to be. And I know it sounds really weird but its really not like I'm not trying. I am trying, at least I used to try. I wish I was the person people think I am. But the truth is I'm not and every single time, I end up hurting people just by being me. And I'm not going to lie. I've quit trying because it really is all just a wasted exercise.

Hello there, I'm the Earthian.

I've lost enough people in my life and I don't think anyone of them cares. I know people's needs are important and people's wants, but what about what I want? And what about what I need? What about everything that I want to do for myself because I just want to? How much do I matter to all those people who tell me I don't care enough? How far would they go for me, chuck that, would they even take a step? And if I have so many flaws, why even bother saying hello to me? And if I am way too much to handle, why not just leave me out and cut me like the irrelevant bit that I am? Funnily, I always only matter for what I have to offer and not for who I am. And the moment I refuse to offer because I feel cheated, I am the bad guy?

Its all really vague and weird, people and how they work. Its almost like everything is a frigging transaction and like I should always strive to get the better part of my deals. But better isn't always right and I don't want it that badly. All I want, these days, is some mental peace. I don't want to be lonely amidst a million people who pretend like I mean something to them. I'd much rather be alone and be someone who means something to myself. Lost cause, I know, but the heart wants what it wants.

Love, peace.