The Wall I've Raised.

We all have been there, there where we once were extremely for something but not even a teeny bit for it anymore. Life happened and we just had to make some trait changes to ourselves to protect ourselves better.

Hello there, I'm the Earthian.

We had to completely rid ourselves off of what we once actually didn't mind too much of. And I am no different. See, I wasn't always this way. I wasn't always this skeptical person I am today, I wasn't always this person who just doesn't trust people anymore with his emotions, I wasn't always this person who is always weary of who he is every single second, I wasn't always this introverted, reserved and quiet person I have made myself to be these days, I wasn't always peculiarly gloomy and nonchalantly melancholic like I am most of these days. I wasn't always afraid to laugh out loud heartily, and at the same time pour out my heart when I wanted to. It all happened with unforgivably progressive time and it all took a lot of the same. I didn't always have to live behind the facade I live behind now, you see.

My first cues of my necessity to protect myself came about the time when I realized people talk behind each others' back about each other. See, this was fine, a little gossip wouldn't hurt anyone. But when people whom you refer to as your friends do that, it kind of hurts. People like building friendships and societies and when you are looked at as someone who is foreign, you will have neither friends nor a social circle. Add a little bit of low self-esteem to it and you will actualize the fact that you indeed are a needle in a haystack. 

After like a zillion incidents where you always somehow come out as the villain even in predicaments like the ones mentioned above, it is only natural for you to want to shut yourself off completely and resolve to solitude. And that is what I did too. Because it made sense. It sounded fair, it still sounds fair. Nobody bothers you, neither do you bother anybody. 

Sometimes though, the natural yearnings of the simple human heart kicks in when you find yourself being amongst a lot of people and still find yourself being a tad lonely. So no, I am not going to pretend I don't long for friends. I do indeed. But I am not sure if I ever will be able to go back to the accepting dude I was a long while back. I no longer remember how comforting and heartwarming having real friends could be. Maybe it's all because of the wall I've raised for myself. 

Lots of love, peace.