Drained.

On the one hand, I want to be useful in life, I want to make something of myself and contribute a teeny, tiny bit of positivity. To make someone feel better than they did the day before would be a very serious accomplishment in my life. 

But to offer positivity, I think one shouldn't just be full with it, but one should also overflow with it to make sure whatever he shares doesn't come from a place of selfishness. However, today, I feel like I am done with it, like I am done with everything positive. I feel completely drenched in negativity for I have come fallen short in so many ways than I had previously anticipated. I am no longer in any position to negotiate with anyone, nor do I feel the slightest bit of sympathy, empathy or any emotion even remotely related to positivity or kindness towards myself, or anyone else. I do want to, though. I want to feel like the blooming flower, the fluttering butterfly, the rising sun, the gentle warm breeze of sulky evenings. I feel like I no longer even have that positivity to make myself feel better. God, I wish I could cry.