Am I Enough?

There have been times when I was completely desperate for some kind of company. Some company that I can just depend on. And for a long while, I was that way, back when I was a little younger when I actually had some company.

Hello there, I am the Earthian.

And I loved it, when I had that company that I had, I totally felt at home all the time and there wasn't a moment when I would want to not have that company that I did have. But then, I did what every  single form of life does. I grew older and older by the second and its fractions and my mates grew more and more distant alongside time. And then there came the period in which I actually believed I was the loneliest soul on this planet. Desperation made me trust people I would never have trusted had I been in my right mind and let me tell you, desperation is never a good thing. 

I mingled with people who believed that this world is some sort of cursed place and that they are too good for this planet. Everything about them was negative, from the language they used to the people they introduced me to. And then came the period of introspection of the self. What exactly had gone wrong was the question I had. I still have it, but the answer to that partly lied on the fact that I needed people in my life for me to be happy and comfortable. I needed people to hang out with, chill out with. I needed people to get by in my life. I needed them to know who I was, to know my own identity. A part of me always believed that being alone is a bad thing and that it is something to be sad about, so I needed people. I needed them, never ever did I want them. I only needed them to feed my despair. And what I learnt is that the more needy and clingy I was, the more alone I got.

It always starts with me. Whatever happens to me always and I mean always starts and ends with me, literally and figuratively. And if I need other people just to feel positive, there is something terribly wrong is what I learnt. Because when I am not sufficient for my own self, there is no way in hell am I I going to be the same for anyone else. More on this some other time?

With a heart full of love, peace.