Thoughts I dread.

My mind is jammed up today. I'm not able to think straight and I feel extremely irritable, almost cranky. I'm also not at peace mentally, there's something constantly going through my mind and its deafenning my ears, blinding my eyes and choking my throat. My legs have lost their strength and my tired back finds it even hard to roll out of my bed. 

I have so many questions jabbing my brain and these are questions I can never find the answer to. And even so, I feel frustrated about it because I can't find it. I know I expect too much out of myself and there's always going to be that pressure I exert on myself but I think one of these days I'm going to take it too far. I know it will all settle down and I know I can slowly recover from all of this. I know its all matter of when and not of if. But something deep inside of me pushes me towards the negativity, towards the darkness that I used to so easily run away from. I'm finding hypocrisy in myself and I can't help but suffer for it. I'm hurt. Deeply hurt. And I don't know why. I can pretend I'm not but I can't ever, for the sake of my life, cheat myself. I'm not giving up though. I'm going to keep looking for that light that I know exists right around the corner and I'm going to set my gaze locked in on it. I'm positive tomorrow is going to be better. It just has to be.