Admission 5.

Hello there, I call myself 'the Earthian' here, I'm happy to share that with you though, so feel free to use it. I know, I'm very gracious.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, some more forgivable than others and some I just can't stop thinking about. One thing for sure is that as much as I did hurt them, I never intended to do so, which by the way is no reason justifiable nor an excuse acceptable for what I did. Some cases where they got hurt were almost along the lines of me not wanting to do anything with them anymore resulting in abrupt stops in friendships, which I now know for a fact would devastate me if done to me. I didn't know it then, rather, I didn't think from their standpoints back then. Still not no reason justifiable, nor an excuse acceptable. 

I'm man enough to admit it, not sure I am man enough to apologize because what would I even say? That I'm sorry I just stopped without giving you explanations? That I'm sorry I never even made an attempt to reconnect or possibly give you the slightest sort of closure that you let me know you needed? That I'm sorry I was an imprudent idiot with zero sense of worldly knowledge of how to behave with people? That I'm sorry that I was plainly selfish?

I'm not going to lie, I was very scared and very hurt, but it was not anyone's fault. Only mine. Always, only mine. That's where my deep wish of wanting to stay away from people as much as I can stems from. Not because they're bad or because I'm too good. I'm terrible, couldn't be worse, if you ask me, and they, nobody, for sure deserve me. 

Love, peace.